Sunday Scribblings: Fuzzy


On Sundays, I participate in Sunday Scribblings, a weekly writing prompt challenge. There are no rules within the challenge, however I am imposing the same rules that I follow for Five Minute Friday: Write for five minutes (or so). No editing, revising, or over thinking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Fuzzy

It makes me sad that my memory has become so fuzzy over the past few years. People keep telling me that it’s just the way age is but I’m really not convinced. My best friend from childhood, Liberty, has an amazing memory. While my memory has not failed me on the big events in life, her memory can summon even the smaller moments. Maybe that’s why God has brought her back into my life; to trigger those happy days again and not dwell on the loss of my own memory.

I talked to my mom yesterday, and she had been to a party with one of my dad’s brothers, who has early stage of Alzheimer’s Disease. He’s maybe 10ish years older than my dad. My dad also has an older sister and another older brother whose memories have started failing pretty badly. It hit me last night that this could not only be my father’s near future but also my own, as Alzheimer’s and dementia are strongly related to genetics.

So if my memory is already so fuzzy at 36, what will it be like when I’m 66 like my father? Will it hit me sooner? Is there anything that I can do now to help keep it from happening?

This is why I write. This is why I blog. This is why I need to get back into the habit of writing on a regular basis again. Winter is gone, so hopefully my Seasonal Affective Disorder will soon take a vacation, as well.

Read other Sunday Scribblings posts on the topic of ‘Fuzzy’.

 

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Writer’s Block and Seasonal Affective Disorder

It seems the more I feel like I should be writing, the less I feel like writing. I am thankful that writing is not my full time job, because I’d definitely go hungry. I admire people who can write for a living and glad that they do, because it gives me so many awesome books, short stories, essays, blog posts and articles to read. I’m also pretty sure that the idea that “OMG I HAVE TO WRITE” is what kills my writing creativity and desire.

On my writing to do list lately, in addition to blogging, is writing some book reviews and Yelp reviews. I sat down to write a book review, and hit the wall. I tried writing something, but my heart wasn’t in it, so I put it aside. I hate waiting awhile to write book reviews, because the more I get into reading another book, the details from the book I need to review start sinking back into the recesses of my memory, and I start feeling like I’m not doing the book review justice. Seriously, the guilt in writing sometimes kills me, and I know it shouldn’t. I got some Yelp reviews in yesterday, and that seemed to help get the writing juices flowing again, so here I am!

I’ve looked into using writing prompts again like I did in the fall, but they don’t seem interesting to me. I feel certain that this block is all due to the time of year it is for me, because I am always incredibly despondent this time of the year. It usually begins in January and lasts through February or March. When spring arrives, I come out of my shell. SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) lights don’t seem to help much. Every year I have to remind myself that it’s just an annual phase in my life, and things DO GET BETTER. But still, the constant sadness and depression usually starts to creep in and tell me lies that I’ll be stuck this way forever. I know the depression demons tell lies, yet it doesn’t stop me from believing them at times.

Usually the writing that ends up winning, in these cases, are the ones where I just pour out my heart and soul, letting anything that comes out make it on the screen or on the paper. You know, like I’m doing now. Just like the quote below says, any writing is better than nothing at all.

What do you do to combat the writer’s block? Are you affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder?

“Writing about a writer’s block is better than not writing at all.”
― Charles Bukowski

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Daily Blogging

What has been the hardest part about blogging daily?

I can honestly say that blogging daily has not been much of a challenge, but that’s because I have enjoyed the “excuse” to write every day. I also like having daily prompts to have a subject in which to write. Not knowing what to write was my biggest struggle in blogging, and since I have found several sites that offer daily prompts the biggest challenge has been overcome.

This is my second month of blogging daily, and I am considering the challenge again for the month of December. I had more of a challenge in October due to an unplanned trip out of town when David’s grandma passed away, but I was still able to work around that thanks to laptops and wireless internet. November had Thanksgiving, but I knew that was coming, so I wrote some of those posts early in case we were busy with family and friends. We were on the go most of the time, so it was handy to have those written.

I have enjoyed practicing my writing skills and getting my thoughts out in words. I have always enjoyed writing, especially my thoughts. I seem to be able to express my feelings much easier in writing than verbally. I’ve heard that’s an introvert thing because writing allows us to think about what we want to say, as well as editing before it’s official.

These last two months have also presented me with a few more writing ideas. January is National Mentoring Month, and I am a firm believer that mentoring relationships are incredibly important. I plan to write a series for the month of January on mentoring and how it has affected my lives and the lives of others. If your life has been shaped by mentoring (either as a mentor or the one being mentored), I’d love to hear your story! I’m also looking for other writers and bloggers to write a guest post that month, as well.

I’ve also considered other writing styles, like writing a short story and possibly ideas for a book. I have put these aside in the past for several reasons, but I’m beginning to feel the desire to seek them again. I have a few ideas in my head that I am working through but nothing is officially planned yet. I’m constantly inspired by the writing of others around me.

So the last day of the month brings me with so many writing ideas and plans that I don’t know what I’m going to do next. NaBloPoMo has suggested writing prompts again for the month of December, and I also found a pretty awesome blog called The Daily Post that offers a daily writing prompt, a weekly photo challenge for writing, as well as ways to expand and grow your writing. I’m pretty sure that I am going to participate in one or both of these and continue to write daily, as it’s very therapeutic for me to get the words out of my head and into some format, whether it be blogging on the internet or writing in my journal.

Would writing every day for a month be a challenge for you? What do you get out of writing? 

Has your life been shaped by a mentor or have you been a mentor to someone else? Tell me about your experiences!

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I’m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

Favorite Place To Blog

Where is your favorite place to blog?

I have a laptop. Well, actually I have 3 that I have regular access to. One is my work laptop, another is an old laptop that is still hanging in there, and my main laptop is an Alienware that I bought earlier this year when I was pretty sure that my old laptop was going to crash. Without a doubt, my favorite is the Alienware. Since it’s so large, it usually stays on my desk in the bonus room (aka The Treehouse*) upstairs connected to a second monitor because I have been spoiled by working with dual monitors for the past 5 years. Every once in a while the Alienware takes a trip downstairs to hang out with me in the living room, but it rarely leaves the house. I’m not one to take my laptop to Starbucks or Panera or . I’m a home body.

With that said, I’m usually blogging upstairs while my husband is playing Xbox a few feet away.

More importantly than where my favorite place to blog is located, is when my favorite time to blog is. Usually I end up blogging in the evenings after dinner because that’s when I have the most available time. However, in the rare instances where I got up early and had time before work, is when my best writing seems to come out. I am NOT a morning person, so it actually comes to me by surprise that I can write well in the mornings. However, as the hour gets later in the evening, the less likely I want to write or write anything interesting.

Though, I have to admit that I am writing this right now in the evening. Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted to that so not to appear boring! It’s really late at night where my writing lacks a certain oomph that makes me feel accomplished.

I will also admit to writing out blogs in advance, especially the last two months when I have made a commitment to write daily, because I don’t want to get behind. It came in handy last month when there was a death in the family, and I didn’t have to stress to get my entries written. Since we’ll be traveling for Thanksgiving later this month, I’m hoping to stay ahead to be prepared for that, as well.

*The Treehouse is what we call our bonus room. It’s a term that my aunt coined when we first bought our house. The Treehouse started out being where my husband spent most of his free time, and it was set up sort of like a man cave. However, my aunt felt that it wasn’t really a man cave since it’s upstairs. Since I work from home on Fridays, we ended up putting a desk upstairs, so now I hang out in the Treehouse some evenings, too.

When and where do you prefer blogging? Are you one to write from home or gather your creativity in the library or restaurants? 

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I’m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

miscellany monday at lowercase letters

On In Around button

One Change

If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?

The first thing (because don’t we all have a list of things we’d like to change?) I would change is that I would be out of debt and stay out of debt (mortgage not included).

Actually, I am REALLY close to being out of debt, but it seems like the closer I get, the further I get because of one thing after another. The “thing” that is adding to my debt now is dental procedures in the shape of old fillings causing problems.

During my first marriage, a significant amount of debt and bills accumulated, and I am ALMOST done with the last of them! I re-financed my high interest (because of collections) student loan after my divorce, and that will FINALLY be paid off next summer. By the way, I graduated from college in 1999, so it only took 14 years to pay off 4 years of college, but IT WILL BE PAID OFF! I also purchased a new-to-me car after my divorce that will be paid off next summer, as well. I really hope the car last several more years, because I don’t want another car payment for awhile.

After my debt-ridden first marriage, I swore off credit cards for a while but after a couple of years I got a few of them. The plan is to pay them off once my student loan and car payment are paid off. I don’t have a lot of them, I promise! Seriously, I can’t fathom not being in debt. I’ve been in debt since I was 18 and got my first credit card. I am not responsible with credit. Not at all! I admire my husband for paying off his credit cards each month or before interest sets in on those Same As Cash offers. It takes a certain discipline that I have never had but hope to someday achieve.

So the latest in financial woes is the dental work. I’m actually embarrassed for all the work that needs to be done, but the truth is I have taken decent care of my teeth. They’re not rotting away or anything, though my dentist will say that not flossing regularly has contributed to some of the problems. Ugh! I have fillings that were not done correctly and other fillings that have gotten loose and caused more cavities underneath. The work that I am having done is crowns and replacing fillings. And it’s not cheap, even with insurance!

So it seems that just when I see the light at the end of the old debt tunnel, the tunnel has a new addition built onto the end of it. I’m still seeing that tiny bit of light, so I know I will get there some day.

What would you change? How do you manage debt or are you debt free? 

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I’m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

 

Dream Job

If you could have any job (and instantly have the training and qualifications to do it), which job would you want?

For a long time I’ve  joked that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. The truth is, it’s not a joke. I still don’t know. I’ve heard others say that they feel the same way. It’s not that I’m not happy with the job I have or that the job I have is my dream job, it’s just that there’s not one thing that I feel passionate enough about to say, “That’s it!”

So I suppose I could just end the post here, and say that I don’t really have an answer, but that would be pretty boring, huh? Instead, I’m just going to let my fingers do the typing and see what comes out.

I’ve written about it before, that when I was in 5th grade, I dreamed of being a lawyer. As an adult, I am thankful that I didn’t continue to pursue that field, because I definitely do not have the personality or interests now to be a lawyer. Not that there is anything wrong with lawyers (I’m not going to tell a bunch of lawyer jokes), it’s just that I know that job is not for me. I have a lawyer friend, and she has an excellent personality for her job. She is passionate about her interests and can argue with confidence.

My freshman year of college, I declared Engineering as my major. Seriously? Feel free to laugh. I only made it one semester before realizing that I would never make it. Math and Chemistry kicked my butt that first semester, despite hours and hours of studying. I was on academic probation after my first semester, so it was obvious that I needed to find something else. The reason I had chosen Engineering was that in high school, they showed us a list of college graduate incomes, and Engineering was high on the list. My generation grew up hearing that we could do anything and be anything we wanted, and it only took one semester of college for me to find out that I was not meant to be an Engineer.

My second semester of college, I was Undeclared for a major and took a variety of classes to see what might interest me. Two of the classes that I took that semester were Psychology and Sociology. While both were incredibly interesting to me, I found Sociology to be more for me, so I declared Sociology as my Major starting my Sophomore year. I eventually added Criminal Justice as my Minor and took several classes that combined the two majors. Upon graduation, I had intentions of getting my Masters, but life situations changed, and my desire to continue my education eventually went away.

My plan after getting my Masters was going to be studying and researching how society influences the behaviors of people, specifically criminals and prisoners. While I still have an interest in that field, I think I am now too jaded to believe that I could ever make a difference in that area. While I suppose it could be considered my dream job, I’m afraid that my skepticism now would get in the way of me feeling that my contribution would be beneficial.

I suppose I could also say that I would be a writer, but I’ve also come to the realization that when my hobbies become my job, then I lose interest. I’m happy with being a writer just for the fun of it, and I’m even more happy that there are other writers who have that desire to write for a living, because it gives me inspiration when I read their work.

Maybe one day I will figure out what it is that I want to do when I grow up. I’m not exactly clear on when it will be that I grow up, but I’m sure it will happen some day. For now, life is good.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Are you working your dream job now? 

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I’m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

 

Sunday Scribblings: Heal


On Sundays, I am starting to participate in Sunday Scribblings, a weekly writing prompt challenge. There are no rules within the challenge, however I am imposing the same rules that I follow for Five Minute Friday: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, or over thinking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Heal

START

How do you truly begin to heal when the pain on the inside has not been fixed? Sure, the wounds can close over, and the scars can begin to fade, but if it still hurts inside you will never heal.

What if you can’t find the remedy to heal the ailment? You’ve searched all over and every time you think you’ve found the cure, the wound tears open again.

When did the trouble begin? You try to remember when the hurt began but never seem to find the cause, therefore you fear that you’ll never find the remedy to heal.

Who caused the misery that you feel? Maybe you know, maybe you only have an idea, maybe it was a mixture of causes or maybe the memory is too old to remember.

Where does the tenderness reside? This you know, but you fear it’s beginning to spread.

Why does it still hurt? Until you can find the Who, What, When, Where and How, it will always hurt and never fully heal, but still you keep trying to find the solution.

Never give up fighting. Never give up seeking. Never give up trying.

Never give up. 

STOP

Read other Sunday Scribblings posts on the topic of ‘Heal’.

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I‘m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012