seasonal affective disorder | Frogdiva Dot Com

On Sundays, I participate in Sunday Scribblings, a weekly writing prompt challenge. There are no rules within the challenge, however I am imposing the same rules that I follow for Five Minute Friday: Write for five minutes (or so). No editing, revising, or over thinking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Fuzzy

It makes me sad that my memory has become so fuzzy over the past few years. People keep telling me that it’s just the way age is but I’m really not convinced. My best friend from childhood, Liberty, has an amazing memory. While my memory has not failed me on the big events in life, her memory can summon even the smaller moments. Maybe that’s why God has brought her back into my life; to trigger those happy days again and not dwell on the loss of my own memory.

I talked to my mom yesterday, and she had been to a party with one of my dad’s brothers, who has early stage of Alzheimer’s Disease. He’s maybe 10ish years older than my dad. My dad also has an older sister and another older brother whose memories have started failing pretty badly. It hit me last night that this could not only be my father’s near future but also my own, as Alzheimer’s and dementia are strongly related to genetics.

So if my memory is already so fuzzy at 36, what will it be like when I’m 66 like my father? Will it hit me sooner? Is there anything that I can do now to help keep it from happening?

This is why I write. This is why I blog. This is why I need to get back into the habit of writing on a regular basis again. Winter is gone, so hopefully my Seasonal Affective Disorder will soon take a vacation, as well.

Read other Sunday Scribblings posts on the topic of ‘Fuzzy’.

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It seems the more I feel like I should be writing, the less I feel like writing. I am thankful that writing is not my full time job, because I’d definitely go hungry. I admire people who can write for a living and glad that they do, because it gives me so many awesome books, short stories, essays, blog posts and articles to read. I’m also pretty sure that the idea that “OMG I HAVE TO WRITE” is what kills my writing creativity and desire.

On my writing to do list lately, in addition to blogging, is writing some book reviews and Yelp reviews. I sat down to write a book review, and hit the wall. I tried writing something, but my heart wasn’t in it, so I put it aside. I hate waiting awhile to write book reviews, because the more I get into reading another book, the details from the book I need to review start sinking back into the recesses of my memory, and I start feeling like I’m not doing the book review justice. Seriously, the guilt in writing sometimes kills me, and I know it shouldn’t. I got some Yelp reviews in yesterday, and that seemed to help get the writing juices flowing again, so here I am!

I’ve looked into using writing prompts again like I did in the fall, but they don’t seem interesting to me. I feel certain that this block is all due to the time of year it is for me, because I am always incredibly despondent this time of the year. It usually begins in January and lasts through February or March. When spring arrives, I come out of my shell. SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) lights don’t seem to help much. Every year I have to remind myself that it’s just an annual phase in my life, and things DO GET BETTER. But still, the constant sadness and depression usually starts to creep in and tell me lies that I’ll be stuck this way forever. I know the depression demons tell lies, yet it doesn’t stop me from believing them at times.

Usually the writing that ends up winning, in these cases, are the ones where I just pour out my heart and soul, letting anything that comes out make it on the screen or on the paper. You know, like I’m doing now. Just like the quote below says, any writing is better than nothing at all.

What do you do to combat the writer’s block? Are you affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder?