Bravery When Ending a Relationship

What is the bravest thing you’ve ever done?

This question has been the most difficult for me this month, so far. I saw it in my list getting closer and closer, and I dreaded it. I actually considered finding another prompt for today, because the only thing that I could come up with felt…well, lame. I thought of all of the other things that others have done that is far beyond anything brave that I have done. Soldiers in war, police officers in a stand off, firefighters saving inhabitants, hostages, world leaders, cancer patients, and it goes on and on. I couldn’t help comparing myself to all of these other acts of bravery that are far beyond anything I can ever imagine encountering.

But this is my life. I can’t fault myself for situations I’ve never been in, chances I’ve never been faced with or careers that I didn’t attempt. I am often so guilty with comparing myself to others, and I let it get to me again with this prompt.

The bravest thing I have never done is telling my first husband that I wanted a divorce. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Not brave at all! The fact is, it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my life. My ex husband and I got along well, but we weren’t meant to be married. We dated all through college, and it seemed like the most natural next step in our relationship. We rarely fought and arguments were more on the surface. But that was the problem. We DIDN’T fight and argue. We just pushed aside the issues and never dealt with them. We stopped being married and started being house mates for the last few years of our ten year marriage.

Five years ago this month, I made the decision that I couldn’t do it any more. It still took us six months to file for divorce, which we did together by printing out the documents and taking them to the clerk’s office together. No lawyers were involved, and we didn’t even go to court. Two months after filing, we got the official documents in the mail, and it was done. We sold our house and parted ways. Despite being amicable and knowing that I had made the right decision, it still wasn’t easy. Some days it’s still not easy.

I grew up in a conservative Christian home. Divorce was something that “other people” did. My ex husband’s parents split when he was young, but he didn’t believe that divorce was the easy way out. The fact remains that if we had continued with the relationship that we had for the last few years, we would have broken people. The facade of a happy, healthy, normal relationship had crumbled.

While my bravery that day five years ago might not compare to experiences others have faced, the decision was still something that took me several years to come to terms with before I finally concluded that we both needed to move on. I didn’t take the decision lightly but know that it was the best for both of us.

What brave experience have you encountered in your life? Have you ever made the difficult decision to end a relationship? 

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I’m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

 

One Change

If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?

The first thing (because don’t we all have a list of things we’d like to change?) I would change is that I would be out of debt and stay out of debt (mortgage not included).

Actually, I am REALLY close to being out of debt, but it seems like the closer I get, the further I get because of one thing after another. The “thing” that is adding to my debt now is dental procedures in the shape of old fillings causing problems.

During my first marriage, a significant amount of debt and bills accumulated, and I am ALMOST done with the last of them! I re-financed my high interest (because of collections) student loan after my divorce, and that will FINALLY be paid off next summer. By the way, I graduated from college in 1999, so it only took 14 years to pay off 4 years of college, but IT WILL BE PAID OFF! I also purchased a new-to-me car after my divorce that will be paid off next summer, as well. I really hope the car last several more years, because I don’t want another car payment for awhile.

After my debt-ridden first marriage, I swore off credit cards for a while but after a couple of years I got a few of them. The plan is to pay them off once my student loan and car payment are paid off. I don’t have a lot of them, I promise! Seriously, I can’t fathom not being in debt. I’ve been in debt since I was 18 and got my first credit card. I am not responsible with credit. Not at all! I admire my husband for paying off his credit cards each month or before interest sets in on those Same As Cash offers. It takes a certain discipline that I have never had but hope to someday achieve.

So the latest in financial woes is the dental work. I’m actually embarrassed for all the work that needs to be done, but the truth is I have taken decent care of my teeth. They’re not rotting away or anything, though my dentist will say that not flossing regularly has contributed to some of the problems. Ugh! I have fillings that were not done correctly and other fillings that have gotten loose and caused more cavities underneath. The work that I am having done is crowns and replacing fillings. And it’s not cheap, even with insurance!

So it seems that just when I see the light at the end of the old debt tunnel, the tunnel has a new addition built onto the end of it. I’m still seeing that tiny bit of light, so I know I will get there some day.

What would you change? How do you manage debt or are you debt free? 

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I’m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

 

Sunday Scribblings: Heal


On Sundays, I am starting to participate in Sunday Scribblings, a weekly writing prompt challenge. There are no rules within the challenge, however I am imposing the same rules that I follow for Five Minute Friday: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, or over thinking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Heal

START

How do you truly begin to heal when the pain on the inside has not been fixed? Sure, the wounds can close over, and the scars can begin to fade, but if it still hurts inside you will never heal.

What if you can’t find the remedy to heal the ailment? You’ve searched all over and every time you think you’ve found the cure, the wound tears open again.

When did the trouble begin? You try to remember when the hurt began but never seem to find the cause, therefore you fear that you’ll never find the remedy to heal.

Who caused the misery that you feel? Maybe you know, maybe you only have an idea, maybe it was a mixture of causes or maybe the memory is too old to remember.

Where does the tenderness reside? This you know, but you fear it’s beginning to spread.

Why does it still hurt? Until you can find the Who, What, When, Where and How, it will always hurt and never fully heal, but still you keep trying to find the solution.

Never give up fighting. Never give up seeking. Never give up trying.

Never give up. 

STOP

Read other Sunday Scribblings posts on the topic of ‘Heal’.

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I‘m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012