Life Lately

This is long, but I won’t apologize. You have been warned! In my defense, there’s a lot of words in my head that need to get out since I haven’t been blogging regularly.

Habits are mostly good to have. I’m a creature of habit. I’ve written about it in the past, so I won’t dwell on the subject. Blogging is a good habit for me to have, but I’m finding that it’s also a habit that is, unfortunately, easily broken. Life has been busy since the holidays with no sign of letting up. That’s okay, though! Keeping busy is usually good for me because it keeps me from getting back into bad habits, like snacking, staying up too late or sleeping too much when it’s not night time. Those things usually trigger depression, which I have still been battling lately, as well.

So thoughts have been forming in my mind, but I just haven’t taken the time to get them out of my head. They’re mostly random thoughts and not very lengthy, so they end up in my personal Facebook, but I should probably be sharing them in my Blog Facebook, as well. Oddly enough, there’s several thoughts that I will post in this blog instead of on Facebook, even though this blog is public. I guess I feel that my blog is more of a selected audience, and the people who take the time to read it should be “treated” with something a little more…I don’t know…special?

What’s been going on with me? You know, New Year’s Resolutions and all, those things that I say that I don’t make but subconsciously I do? I guess as long as I don’t write them down, I don’t feel the guilt of failure if I don’t succeed. I have been trying to get back into working out. I started slacking in October, so I’m jumping back on now. I have no doubt that the lack of exercise and reverting back to bad eating habits is what has slowed my weight loss. I maintained pretty much the whole month of December and half of January. I’m not complaining, but maintaining is not where I want to be. I did that for many years already!

Shortly after the New Year, I decided to go for a Couch to 5K plan (C25K) and found an app on my phone to help me. I’ve tried jogging in the past and didn’t get very far with it. This time I’m trying it on a treadmill so that I HAVE to jog or fall flat on my face since the belt is moving that much faster. I started on Monday, January 7th and felt incredibly accomplished after finishing the first day! I was feeling so accomplished that I decided to do a little strength training afterward. I did a few sets on a few machines and was on the last one before it was going to be time to head to the showers. IT was the Compound Row – one of my favorite machines! I can row like nobody’s business, doing 2-3 sets of 50. I was halfway through a second rep when I felt my back seize up and OMG THE PAIN!

I had a disc in my lower back rupture in 2005 that caused tremendous pain for about 6 months, as well as nerve damage to my sciatic nerve. I had back surgery that year, which cured the worst of the pain, but I have about 2-4 flare ups a year. This was one of those flare ups. By Wednesday, the pain was excruciating, so I went to the doctor, and she referred me to the spine clinic. I don’t know why I never looked into it sooner since I have had had major surgery on my back, but meh…that’s here nor there now.

The pain had mostly subsided by the following Monday, so I went for Day 2 of the C25K, and had an appointment with the spine clinic that morning. X rays showed that I had no major damage but have some “arthritic changes” in my lower back, and the flare ups are common for people who have had back surgery like I have, usually due to scar tissue. The doctor wasn’t concerned that the disc had ruptured again but suggested that I try physical therapy to build a stronger core in the hopes of lessening the frequency, duration and level of the flare ups that I am bound to experience.

Yesterday was Day 3 of the C25K, which technically wraps up the first of 8 weeks, even though my first week was split up into 2. I’m getting up at 4:30am MWF to get to the gym to do this. I am SO not a morning person! Yesterday was also my physical therapy consult. I’ll be doing that 2 days a week for at least a month. I’m also going to water aerobics on Thursdays after work, and also planning to meet a group of post-op weight loss surgery people twice a month on Saturdays.

Hopefully all this means I’ll be too busy to snack, be depressed and sleep too much! That’s my life lately 🙂

“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.” – Thaddeus Golas

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One Change

If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?

The first thing (because don’t we all have a list of things we’d like to change?) I would change is that I would be out of debt and stay out of debt (mortgage not included).

Actually, I am REALLY close to being out of debt, but it seems like the closer I get, the further I get because of one thing after another. The “thing” that is adding to my debt now is dental procedures in the shape of old fillings causing problems.

During my first marriage, a significant amount of debt and bills accumulated, and I am ALMOST done with the last of them! I re-financed my high interest (because of collections) student loan after my divorce, and that will FINALLY be paid off next summer. By the way, I graduated from college in 1999, so it only took 14 years to pay off 4 years of college, but IT WILL BE PAID OFF! I also purchased a new-to-me car after my divorce that will be paid off next summer, as well. I really hope the car last several more years, because I don’t want another car payment for awhile.

After my debt-ridden first marriage, I swore off credit cards for a while but after a couple of years I got a few of them. The plan is to pay them off once my student loan and car payment are paid off. I don’t have a lot of them, I promise! Seriously, I can’t fathom not being in debt. I’ve been in debt since I was 18 and got my first credit card. I am not responsible with credit. Not at all! I admire my husband for paying off his credit cards each month or before interest sets in on those Same As Cash offers. It takes a certain discipline that I have never had but hope to someday achieve.

So the latest in financial woes is the dental work. I’m actually embarrassed for all the work that needs to be done, but the truth is I have taken decent care of my teeth. They’re not rotting away or anything, though my dentist will say that not flossing regularly has contributed to some of the problems. Ugh! I have fillings that were not done correctly and other fillings that have gotten loose and caused more cavities underneath. The work that I am having done is crowns and replacing fillings. And it’s not cheap, even with insurance!

So it seems that just when I see the light at the end of the old debt tunnel, the tunnel has a new addition built onto the end of it. I’m still seeing that tiny bit of light, so I know I will get there some day.

What would you change? How do you manage debt or are you debt free? 

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I’m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

 

Sunday Scribblings: Heal


On Sundays, I am starting to participate in Sunday Scribblings, a weekly writing prompt challenge. There are no rules within the challenge, however I am imposing the same rules that I follow for Five Minute Friday: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, or over thinking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Heal

START

How do you truly begin to heal when the pain on the inside has not been fixed? Sure, the wounds can close over, and the scars can begin to fade, but if it still hurts inside you will never heal.

What if you can’t find the remedy to heal the ailment? You’ve searched all over and every time you think you’ve found the cure, the wound tears open again.

When did the trouble begin? You try to remember when the hurt began but never seem to find the cause, therefore you fear that you’ll never find the remedy to heal.

Who caused the misery that you feel? Maybe you know, maybe you only have an idea, maybe it was a mixture of causes or maybe the memory is too old to remember.

Where does the tenderness reside? This you know, but you fear it’s beginning to spread.

Why does it still hurt? Until you can find the Who, What, When, Where and How, it will always hurt and never fully heal, but still you keep trying to find the solution.

Never give up fighting. Never give up seeking. Never give up trying.

Never give up. 

STOP

Read other Sunday Scribblings posts on the topic of ‘Heal’.

During the month of November, I am participating in the National Blog Posting Month, also known as NaBloPoMo, hosted by BlogHer. Most likely I am following these suggested prompts, but I might just get crazy and change things up every once in a while. I‘m one wild and crazy gal! 

NaBloPoMo November 2012

 

The words inside my head

I have many words in my head that I want to get out in this blog, but the headaches have gotten worse. Last night it was so bad that I actually considered going to the ER (something I’ve never considered for a headache) but ultimately I knew that going to the ER in the middle of the night would probably be a bad idea. Two of my fellow headache suffering friends also agreed since the lights, noises and waiting would just make it worse. I medicated with two Tylenol PM and finally drifted off to sleep. I made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow to see if she can help. The over the counter stuff just isn’t working anymore.

But this isn’t a headache blog. It’s a faith blog. I have faith that everything is going to be okay, and I will feel good again soon!

I’m one of those people who are always inside my own head. I have a feeling that most writers and bloggers are. Often when I haven’t blogged or journaled (or whatever you want to call it), the words just seem to jumble in my head, and I need to release them.

That was one thing that I liked about the TV Show, Scrubs, or even Doogie Howser back in the day. I enjoy the main character narrating the story because that’s sometimes how I see my life…like I’m the narrator to everything that happens everyday in my life. If I could just move those thoughts into written words automatically, I would find relief, of course only if I could edit them before others read them. I don’t think we truly want to know everything that someone else is thinking. TV Shows have also proven that with people who are mind readers.

Because TV Shows are always right…right? Actually, in this case I’m pretty sure they are. I don’t want people to be completely honest with me and share all of their thoughts.

Where was I even going with all of this? I really don’t remember. I’m just going to work on my other writing exercises now. Don’t mind me 🙂