Just Write!

When it comes to writing, it’s like I have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Actually, most of my life is like that, but it’s more Pros and Cons on each shoulder. I debate everything in my head and often have a difficult time making decisions.

I’ve put off writing again, even though I feel the words in my head just fighting to get out. I make excuses as to why I shouldn’t bother writing, so usually the negative side wins.

This time I’m making a goal to write for 5 minutes every day. I like Lisa Jo Baker’s 5 Minute Friday, and I need something like that every day. Even though I don’t always write my 5 Minute Friday on Fridays, I look forward to having SOMETHING to write about at least once a week. So I am going to work on setting a timer for 5 minutes and just writing whatever comes out of my head. It’s my goal for the next couple of weeks, at least.

I had a terrible, terrible headache again last night, and I fear that it might have been a (lack of) caffeine headache or a delayed withdrawal from not taking OTC pain killers for the past month, because the headache had gone on for 9 straight hours of stabbing pain, but within an hour of taking 2 Aleve and a cup of coffee (at 10pm last night), my headache was gone. While I was glad that the headache was gone, it also meant that I was awake until 2am this morning and a fear that my OTC pain killer or caffeine addiction has reared a very ugly head at me then stuck out it’s tongue and blew a raspberry at me.

Yeah, like that.

I’m having a second cup of coffee this morning and hope that I’ll stave off the headache monster today. I really don’t want to go back to the daily headaches again.

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Clarity

Wow! The topic of Expectation is just what I needed to write about this morning, despite being a few days late in participating. I had been feeling slightly guilty for not posting more regularly here, but now I realize that it was the high expectations I place on myself that was churning up the guilt monster. One thing I can say for sure is that I blog for my own pleasure…to get the words out of my head. I know most bloggers blog so that someone will read their words or pleasing their sponsors or get more followers….and that’s cool! That’s what they hope to achieve from their blog. For me, it’s for the clarity of my mind. I love receiving comments and knowing people are reading my thoughts, but I don’t feel like a failure if I don’t.

I’m still battling headaches. I saw my doctor last week, and she thinks it’s from my severe TMJ. So as of Wednesday, I am taking muscle relaxers at bed time and haven’t had a single OTC pain reliever, such as ibuprofen or naproxen. I’m still having headaches, but I’m hoping that it’s from the rebound headaches that come when you have taken NSAIDs on a regular basis….for years. My doctor said that it could take a month for them to get out of my system, so I’m just trying to take it easy lately when I have headaches instead of turning to the pill bottle.

The GoodReads daily quote this morning also spoke to me and my questioning of faith.

“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” — Anne Frank

That is an amazing combination of words (which is all quotes REALLY are) that mean so much to me lately and from an amazingly strong young woman! I hope to keep that in mind today and the next time my faith, morals or beliefs are questioned by someone else or even myself.

Have a good day, my friends! It’s so much better than the alternative!

The words inside my head

I have many words in my head that I want to get out in this blog, but the headaches have gotten worse. Last night it was so bad that I actually considered going to the ER (something I’ve never considered for a headache) but ultimately I knew that going to the ER in the middle of the night would probably be a bad idea. Two of my fellow headache suffering friends also agreed since the lights, noises and waiting would just make it worse. I medicated with two Tylenol PM and finally drifted off to sleep. I made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow to see if she can help. The over the counter stuff just isn’t working anymore.

But this isn’t a headache blog. It’s a faith blog. I have faith that everything is going to be okay, and I will feel good again soon!

I’m one of those people who are always inside my own head. I have a feeling that most writers and bloggers are. Often when I haven’t blogged or journaled (or whatever you want to call it), the words just seem to jumble in my head, and I need to release them.

That was one thing that I liked about the TV Show, Scrubs, or even Doogie Howser back in the day. I enjoy the main character narrating the story because that’s sometimes how I see my life…like I’m the narrator to everything that happens everyday in my life. If I could just move those thoughts into written words automatically, I would find relief, of course only if I could edit them before others read them. I don’t think we truly want to know everything that someone else is thinking. TV Shows have also proven that with people who are mind readers.

Because TV Shows are always right…right? Actually, in this case I’m pretty sure they are. I don’t want people to be completely honest with me and share all of their thoughts.

Where was I even going with all of this? I really don’t remember. I’m just going to work on my other writing exercises now. Don’t mind me 🙂