Monthly Archives: July 2012

Today I Become A Butterfly

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At this moment, this caterpillar is turning into a butterfly. I am writing this in advance to post when I go into surgery. I’ve kept my surgery quiet to most people, with the exception of close friends and family because of the judgments and opinions of others, most who don’t know me well.

I’ve battled weight issues for as long as my memory takes me. I’ve been on countless food programs in hopes of big changes. A few times I have been successful but the weight usually comes back eventually…and then some. I first looked into having weight loss surgery in 2002, but the insurance I had at the time wouldn’t cover it. I looked into it again last November and went through the process. This time I was approved!

I have been involved in support groups and done my research. I know what I am getting myself into. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who has heard that someone has died from this surgery or had complications or ended up back in the hospital and so on. I know the risks. There are also risks involved in living the kind of life that I’ve been living up until this point, too.

For those who might be interested, I am having Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. I will be in surgery for about 2 hours (starting at 7:30am Central Time) and released the next day if all goes well. I’ll be out of work for about 2 weeks.

And so my secret is revealed. I’ve wanted to post about this for as long as I’ve had this blog, but I’ve been afraid. I realize that photos of me will soon reveal that SOMETHING has happened, so it’s not like I can keep this a secret forever.

If you’re reading this, please pray for me. I’m going to need a lot of encouragement. So far, I’ve received kind words from most everyone, but of course the few negative words always seem to outweigh the positive ones.

“In you, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in your righteousness.” – Psalm 31:1

Note: If you have had any weight loss surgery or contemplating surgery, please feel free to contact me directly. I am an Admin on a Closed Facebook Support Group for women where we post positive thoughts, encouraging words and healthy ideas to share with each other. 

Four Years

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Four years. It was four years ago yesterday that the end of my first marriage was final. We were about 3 weeks shy of our 10th anniversary and had been together for twelve and a half years. No one can say that we didn’t try. We were college sweethearts. We got along well, but I learned that getting along well didn’t necessarily mean that we were meant to be married.

I was raised in a Christian home, and my parents are still married 41 years later. Divorce was not an easy decision for me, but living the life that we lived was getting more difficult to maintain. The last few years of our marriage we lived almost separate lives and were more like roommates than we were a married couple. We kept up the facade for a long time. So long, in fact, that when we told people we were going to file for divorce, people were surprised. We parted on good terms, though there were a lot of hurt feelings deep down inside, despite knowing that it was the best thing for both of us.

Four years later we still keep in touch somewhat through email, though the last time I saw him was almost a week after the divorce was final. When we said goodbye at the airport that day, I had a feeling it was going to be the last time even though he said it wasn’t. He never came back for the things he left in storage or Shelton that he said was his. When I moved everything out of storage a couple of years ago, I asked him if he still wanted it. I didn’t ask him about the dog. He still hasn’t asked about Shelton…not even to ask how he’s doing. I have never forgiven him for never asking about Shelton.

Every year seems to be easier until I read my the post from the day that I dropped him off at the airport that last time I saw him. I still get emotional when I read that post. I hate crying!

The good thing out of all of this is that I learned so much about what I did and didn’t want in a relationship. I had to have experienced the marriage to my ex husband to be where I am today. I have no regrets. I can’t change the past, but I can certainly learn from it. Despite all that has happened, I am a better person today because of it, and I have a wonderful marriage today because of all the good times and the bad that I experienced in the past.

Deadlines

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I am very much a task and goal oriented person. A big part of my job is testing the scheduling software that nurses and other staff use to schedule their shifts at the medical center where I work. We have been testing a new release from our vendor since the fall.

Seriously…for more than 6 months.

There’s several steps and processes and stages and blah,blah,blah. We’ve set a goal of being completely done by July 23rd. I am taking time off from work starting July 23rd for 2-6 weeks, which means that this deadline is pretty much in stone unless something comes up that just cannot be resolved by then. I have 3 other co-workers but only 1 does has the same job as me. I REALLY don’t want to put all of that on her or the other 2, so I am busting you-know-what to get through all of the testing, which involves working from home in the evenings.

It’s not so bad, really.

I watch tv…or rather, I have it on in the background, and my feet are up in the recliner. I’m relaxed.

I would say that this is the first job that I cared enough about to work from home in the evenings, but that’s not entirely true….though there haven’t been many that I would. This is, however, the first job I’ve had where I CAN work from home like this and also my first salary job, so I don’t feel like I am being cheated since I am not paid by the hour.

Anyway, the point of my post really was to say that I love deadlines! Man, they’re stressful, but I work SO MUCH BETTER when I have a deadline. Maybe it shouldn’t be that way, but I guess it helps me see the goal and what I am working toward.

So July 23rd, Just Bring It!

P.S. I guess this is the first time I’ve ever posted about work here. 

Just Write!

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When it comes to writing, it’s like I have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Actually, most of my life is like that, but it’s more Pros and Cons on each shoulder. I debate everything in my head and often have a difficult time making decisions.

I’ve put off writing again, even though I feel the words in my head just fighting to get out. I make excuses as to why I shouldn’t bother writing, so usually the negative side wins.

This time I’m making a goal to write for 5 minutes every day. I like Lisa Jo Baker’s 5 Minute Friday, and I need something like that every day. Even though I don’t always write my 5 Minute Friday on Fridays, I look forward to having SOMETHING to write about at least once a week. So I am going to work on setting a timer for 5 minutes and just writing whatever comes out of my head. It’s my goal for the next couple of weeks, at least.

I had a terrible, terrible headache again last night, and I fear that it might have been a (lack of) caffeine headache or a delayed withdrawal from not taking OTC pain killers for the past month, because the headache had gone on for 9 straight hours of stabbing pain, but within an hour of taking 2 Aleve and a cup of coffee (at 10pm last night), my headache was gone. While I was glad that the headache was gone, it also meant that I was awake until 2am this morning and a fear that my OTC pain killer or caffeine addiction has reared a very ugly head at me then stuck out it’s tongue and blew a raspberry at me.

Yeah, like that.

I’m having a second cup of coffee this morning and hope that I’ll stave off the headache monster today. I really don’t want to go back to the daily headaches again.