Category Archives: 31 Days

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Mentor

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Day 14: Mentor

One of the biggest rewards in my life is being a mentor, or more specifically a Big Sister. Four years ago, shortly after my divorce, I decided to apply to be a Big Sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters after hearing my manager (at the time) talk about her experiences with having a Little Sister. It took a few months to be matched, but in May 2009, I met this sweet and sassy 6-year old who talked me into taking her to McDonald’s for ice cream. My life has not been the same since then.

We started out going out a couple of hours once a week for dinner and some time at the library where we would do puzzles, homework or crafts. When my job changed I was able to take her out on weekends, so we started going out for longer times two or three times a month to places like The Owl Sanctuary, Predators games, swimming and the nail salon for some girlie time. Recently she and her family have moved a little further away, so our outings changed to once a month, but it’s important to me to still maintain that relationship with her and make the most of our time together.

Before I signed up, Big Brothers Big Sisters trained me and let me know that I was making a sizable commitment to mentoring and developing a relationship with my Little Sister once I was matched. They ask for a one year commitment, but we’ve been matched now for 3 1/2 years. They were right about the commitment taking more time than it seems (a minimum of 4 hours a month), but I never imagined how much that commitment would mean to me still today. It’s been an awesome experience to watch her grow from a little girl into a young lady now 10-years old. She is always so energetic and entertaining that it keeps me on my toes. I can’t help but wonder how my life would be without her, though I imagine it would lack a certain bit of joy, which is why I wanted to continue going out with her at least once a month when she moved farther away.

Over the years, my family has gotten to know her family, as well. My Little Sister lives with her mom and a brother a year older than she. We’ve celebrated a few holidays together, and we’ve helped each other out when we needed it. My relationship with my Little Sister has grown from being a commitment that I made to an organization to welcoming three more pretty awesome people into my family. I truly hope to still be in my Little Sister’s life to watch her mature into an intelligent and beautiful woman.

One thing that I do want to mention is that as of this past summer, my Little Sister and I are no longer officially matched through Big Brothers Big Sisters since she moved away from Nashville, but we agreed to continue the match unofficially, and she will always be my Little Sister. The organization was awesome in their support during the 3+ years that we were matched and encouraged us to continue hanging out together after she moved.

If you are interested in becoming a mentor to a young person, I highly encourage you to seek out what is available in your community, whether it be Big Brothers Big Sisters or some other organization. I am more than happy to answer any questions about my experience, as well as offer advice on things to do and ways to help you through the mentoring process. Most organizations offer many free and sponsored activities, as well as suggestions on free and low cost things to do. It doesn’t have to cost a lot to be a mentor, and the time that you spend mentoring is returned to you in many ways.

Have you ever been a mentor to someone or has there been a special mentor in your life? 

“No matter what your age and no matter where you come from, everyone can change the world in some way, whether it’s being a mentor to someone younger than you or someone that doesn’t have as much experience as you. If you’re passionate enough, you can do whatever you want and definitely change the world.” – Josh Groban

Read more about the 31 Days of Journaling Prompts
Today’s recommended 31 Day Blogger: 31 Days of Confidence Strengthening @ 14 Sixty

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Peace

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Day 13: Peace

My husband’s 94-year old grandmother died on Monday and was laid to rest yesterday. She lived a long, full life and didn’t have a an extended illness beyond a few days. Although she was still fairly active, my husband’s mother, Judy (his grandma’s daughter), said that she was ready to go. She had mentioned to Judy a few months ago that she didn’t know why she was still on earth and that she was simply tired all the time.

She’s now at peace.

How do we find peace while we’re still on this earth? For me I find peace in being creative, such as painting, sewing, crafts, writing. I also find peace in allowing my mind to go into someone else’s world through books, movies and television shows.

Now that I think about it, what is peace? Is peace freedom from worry, responsibility or problems?  How do we know when it’s arrived? Are we suddenly changed? Do we feel any different?

For me, I think that we will constantly be seeking peace, and that it comes in bits and…well, pieces throughout life. We have moments of peace and moments of despair. Anyone who seeks a life of constant peace is delusional. Life is full of too many ups and downs to be constantly at peace. However, with that said, I do think we should always seek peace because it does make those ups and downs easier to manage. I also think it’s important for us to help our loved ones find those moments of peace by not being their anti-peace and also providing support when needed.

I am, unfortunately, a constant worrier. I worry even when I don’t even realize it until it’s gone deep. I try my best to stop myself, pray and seek peace.

Thinking about David’s Grandma, I wonder if there was a point in the last week after her heart attack that she felt that peace. In the moment before she passed on Monday evening, was there that final moment where all of life’s worries were lifted, and she knew she was going home?

How do you seek peace? Do you find those moments where you’re worrying so much that you have to remind yourself to seek peace? 

“The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in one’s life.” – Peace Pilgrim, Mildred Lisette Norman

Read more about the 31 Days of Journaling Prompts
Today’s recommended 31 Day Bloggers: 31 Days of Peace @ A Peaceful Crib

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Acceptance

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Day 12: Acceptance

Who doesn’t want to be accepted? We all do! We all want people to love us without changing who we are, what we do, what we believe in and so on.

When I re-entered the dating world 4 years ago after my divorce, I did a lot of online dating. There was a common theme that stood out to me in the profiles that I read. It was acceptance. It seemed a bit silly to me when I would read something like, “I want to find someone to accept me for who I am,” because I was thinking that it was pretty obvious that everyone wants that. The problem for me at the time was that I didn’t see all the hurt that these guys had experienced in their past relationships that caused them to include something that important to them in their profile.

Because of the upcoming Presidential election in the US, right now seems to be a bad time when it comes to accepting other’s beliefs. People tend to push their thoughts on everything related to politics and they think that what they believe is right. I have no problem with this until someone judges another’s beliefs as wrong because the belief isn’t the same. I try my best to keep out of discussions of politics and religion for this very reason. I read yesterday that there is a black celebrity endorsing Mitt Romney and getting all sorts of negative comments (even death threats). I am shocked that she has received so much slack from so many people for her political beliefs. Of course, there’s been all sorts of comments about how if she was a white woman no one would care. But who cares who she is? Can’t we just accept that she’s a human living in a free country and has the right to her own opinion? Isn’t that the point of basic human rights?

If we all agreed all the time, I think it would be pretty boring. Being different from one another is what makes the world interesting. To accept someone doesn’t mean that you have to also agree with what they do. Just love them. Just accept them.

Can you accept someone without agreeing with their beliefs? Have you been criticized for not having the same beliefs as someone else? 

“Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they’re alive and human.” – Albert Ellis 

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Today’s recommended 31 Day Blogger: 31 Days To Giving Up On Perfect @ Giving Up On Perfect

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Love

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Day 10: Love

Love is a common topic. Love is everywhere. What area of media or information doesn’t talk about love? Movies, Books, Poems, Songs, Television, and so on. We’re surrounded by the topic and hopefully most everyone is surrounded by the love of friends and family. Love is one of those things that we don’t have spend money to give, yet often times we hold it in for fear of it being taken for granted. Love can hurt when it’s not reciprocated.

One thing about love that we often forget is that to love and accept people in your life doesn’t mean that you have to agree with their actions. I’m not going to claim this reminder as something that I came up with. Pastor Pete at CrossPoint is the one who reminded me of it a couple of weeks ago with a sermon in The Reckless Ones series. This series has truly touched my heart, as well as being on topic for today’s journaling prompt. The Reckless Ones is about loving people regardless of who they are and what they do. Simply love them!

I wrote more about this a month ago when I talked about how I want to be known. I’ll say it again:
I want to be known for my love of God and my love of people, no matter who they are. I want my love to shine through and be obvious to the people that I encounter. 

I think next week is the last in the series at church, and it’s probably the one series that has touched me the most since I started attending CrossPoint back in the spring. Something else that stood out to me in this series was from last week, where in our small group, we talked about what changes when loving someone is more important than being right. I recently had an experience like this with someone on Facebook who posted something that I didn’t agree with in regards to how she perceives Christians. I’m not one to argue with people on the internet, but I fell into the trap of saying that not all Christians are like the person she described, and she proceeded to give me examples. Instead of continuing the argument, I simply told her that I love her. I’m not sure if it meant anything to her, but maybe it planted that seed.

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – I Corinthians 13:13

How do you want to be known? Can you love and accept someone without agreeing with their actions? 

Read more about the 31 Days of Journaling Prompts
Today’s recommended 31 Day Bloggers: 31 Days of Love at Dana Pittman

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Volunteer

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Day 9: Volunteer

I have a heart for volunteer work. I get a huge blessed feeling when I am able to give back by donating my time to a worthy cause. I can’t really say where it began or what exactly gave me the heart to enjoy it, but my dad would probably say that I am a bleeding heart liberal.

In college I didn’t go for the sorority thing, but I was very involved in a couple of service organizations on campus. One was the Environmental Club where we got the community started in recycling and also handed out dorm-safe plants to new freshmen. The other was Alpha Phi Omega. A Phi O uses greek letters, but they are a co-ed service fraternity not associated with the social fraternities and sororities. We were very active on campus with all sorts of community service projects and fundraisers for various things. It was perfect for me!

Once I graduated college, I had an empty space in my heart where volunteer work had been. I went a few years with that empty feeling before I was able to start finding ways to get involved again. I’ve sorted clothes to be sent to Africa at a thrift shop, helped out at the local food bank, made TONS of cookies for fundraisers where I used to work, cleaned flower beds at the county fairgrounds, and so many other activities.

The past couple of years, most of my volunteer work has been more about donating money than my time. I want to get more involved with volunteering my time again. Some day I’m going to work at the Nashville Rescue Mission and for Habitat for Humanity. They’re on my list!

Nashville has an awesome program called Hands On Nashville where volunteer projects in the area are posted for people to sign up to volunteer. If you live in Nashville, you should definitely check it out. If not, check to see if your community has something like this. I had never heard of Hands On Nashville until the May 2010 Flood in Nashville. I’m pretty sure that Hands On Nashville played a huge part in the Nashville community coming together during that time to get our city back in order.

The absolute best volunteer work I’ve been part of is the one where I don’t even feel like I am a volunteer. I am a Big Sister! My Little Sister and I were matched in 2009 when she was just 6 years old. She’s now 10 and has grown into a beautiful and smart young lady. I love spending time with her and being there while she grows and experiences new things. I want to go ahead and tell you all about her, but I’m saving that writing for the Journaling Prompt for Mentor on Sunday. If you’ve ever thought about being a Big Brother or Big Sister, then be sure to come back yo my blog on Sunday! It’s high on the list of  the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

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Today’s recommended 31 Day Blogger: 31 Days To Give @ Heather Bixler

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Family

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Day 8: Family

Through ups and downs, my family hangs in there. We’ve all had our share of problems that sometimes affected the whole family, but we keep it together and keep going. I am very close to my immediate family and still rely on them to be there for me when I need it.

My parents have been married for 41 years now. They have a very combative but mostly honest relationship where they just tell it like it is. I remember when I was young I felt like they argued more than they should and that they were always on the verge of divorce. It took me several years to learn that that’s just how they communicate, and that they were never going to be like television families that I thought were the norm. Now I realize that television families were never the norm, and it seems silly to have ever compared them that way. Maybe it’s a child of the 70’s/80’s thing where families were portrayed as having problems that were somehow always resolved within 30 minutes. I think it warped my expectations. Now I realize that my parents get along like most normal married couples who aren’t in a sitcom. My dad retired at the end of last year and is LOVING it! My mom is most likely going to retire sometime this year. If they don’t kill each other within a year of my mom’s retirement, then I think they’ll stay together forever.

I was an only child for almost 8 years before my brother was born. With the age gap, I ended up being like another parental figure for him, especially after I turned 12 and he was my responsibility during the summer. The summer after I turned 16, Matthew went with me EVERYWHERE. I think it was my mom’s way of making sure that I didn’t get into trouble, not that I was a bad kid, but she knew that I would never do anything bad with him around. It was most likely also a way for my parents to get us both out of the house. That was 19 years ago now, and I don’t ever really recall him being a burden. He always behaved much better for me than he did for my mom. I think kids are just like that, though. My brother will be 28 next month and is quite a handsome guy. I love him dearly and feel so lucky to have him as my only sibling.

I am also blessed with some pretty awesome extended family through aunts, uncles and David’s side of the family. There’s also a few other people in my life that I’m not related to by blood or marriage that I consider my family. However, I’m going to keep this entry short, sweet and just about my immediate family. They’re fabulous enough on their own.

“The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege.” – Charles Kuralt 

What makes your family unique? 

 

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Today’s recommended 31 Day Blogger: 31 Letters To My Mother @ Leanne Penny

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Green

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Day 7: Green

I do my best to do my part in being Green.

  • I carry reusable bags to the grocery store.
  • I stopped buying bottled water to take to work and now fill 3 reusable containers with water from home to put in my lunch box.
  • I recycle everything that my city will recycle.
  • I’m trying to buy more local produce when I can.
  • I’m doing a little more shopping in second hand stores for clothing.
  • I donate items to the Goodwill instead of throwing them away if someone else can get use of the item.
  • I try to put all of my lunch items in reusable containers or bags that I will reuse again.
  • I use the backs of work printouts for scratch paper (and try not to print if I can help it).

I still feel like there’s so much more that I could do. When I look around my house and see all of the disposable containers that my food comes in or that I store my leftovers in (even though I reuse them) or the paper from junk mail and so on, I can’t help but wonder if there is more that I can do. I honestly think it’s to the point that our society couldn’t truly function without all the waste, but I also feel that we can’t continue to waste as much as we do. It’s a Catch 22, and I feel like I’m at a loss as to what more I can do.

One thing that bugs me is that when I make a purchase somewhere, and bring my reusable bags or tell the cashier that I don’t need a bag, I get strange looks or they put it in a bag, anyway. I’m always left baffled by this. One time a very distracted cashier bagged up our groceries in plastic bags, despite the reusable bags being right in front of her. David and I re-bagged everything on the sidewalk of the grocery store so that we could go ahead and put the plastic bags in the recycling bin instead of carrying them home just to bring them back the next week for recycling. Oh, and they like to offer to put our produce and meat in plastic bags, too. Ugh! I KNOW other people are using the reusable bags or carrying their items without a bag, but sometimes they make me feel like it’s an unheard of concept. Seriously, if I walked to the register carrying all of my items without a cart, then I most definitely do not need a bag for it.

So I don’t really feel like I got anywhere with this topic, other than trying to make myself more aware of opportunities that I might have to reduce, reuse and recycle. It’s a start! This problem is definitely one of those complex problems that cannot be solved with simple solutions.

What do you do to reduce, reuse and recycle? 

“We are living on this planet as if we had another one to go to.” – Terri Sweringen

Read more about the 31 Days of Journaling Prompts
Today’s recommended 31 Day Bloggers: 31 Days To Reducing Your Carbon Footprint @ Perfectly Flawed Woman

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Vacation

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Day 6: Vacation

Do we ever get enough of vacationing? Okay, maybe we do. You know that last day or the last few hours before your plane departs? Or maybe it’s not until you’re almost home that you start to miss home and you’re ready to go back to your regularly scheduled life. The last day is usually the worst, because it seems that there’s a ton of things to cram in at the last minute or there’s a rush to pack and get going. The funny thing for me is that usually the last day of vacation is the worst day for weather for me. It’s like God is taking off my rose-colored glasses and reminding me that even the best vacation spots don’t have perfect weather all the time. Too hot, too cold, rain, and so on.

This year I have been blessed with a few vacations and still 2 more planned for this year.

In February, David and I got married in Savannah, Georgia, so we made a week out of it for a vacation. Our families were there for at least half of that time, so it was good to be able to experience the beautiful city with them while they were there for our wedding. We had a list of recommended restaurants to try out, and we made it to most of them. Actually, we always have Yelp bookmarks of places we’ve heard to try in various cities that we plan to visit. We also did several tourist events, like a trolley tour and a ghost tour, as well as our own walking tours through the beautiful squares and Bonaventure Cemetery. The South is known for humidity, and in Tennessee we get a fair amount of it during the summer. However, I was not prepared to be inundated by the humidity in late February. My frizzy hair definitely showed how humid the city was! On the flip side, the warm air made it possible for us to enjoy the weather outside without being cold.

In April, David had a conference in Las Vegas, and I went with him. He’s been going to this conference every year for about 10 years, and this was my fourth year to go. We have friends who live in Vegas, so there is always something for me to do during the day while he is conferencing. The best thing about Vegas is that there are TONS of non-gambling things to do, see and visit. I usually treat myself to some spa time and shopping. In the evenings David and I explore restaurants we haven’t tried and re-visit the ones we loved the most from prior years. We try to go to one event or show each year, too. This year we saw Ka at the MGM Grand, our first Cirque De Soleil show. It was amazing! Next year David’s conference is in New Orleans, and while I think it will be cool to visit a new place (somewhere I haven’t been since I was a kid), I’m going to miss visiting my Vegas friends…and In-N-Out.

For Labor Day weekend, David and I headed south to Orange Beach, Alabama for some much needed time spent on the beach. Well, the much needed part was for me, not David. He’s not a huge fan of the beach, but he indulged me this year. There’s something incredibly relaxing for me to spend some time with my sand in the toes, and the sounds of the waves coming in. Since this trip was not long after my surgery, I was afraid I would be limited in what I could eat while dining out, but luckily being that close to the ocean, there are tons of fresh seafood offered at pretty much every restaurant. Since the vacation was more for relaxing and not being on-the-go like some vacations end up being, I also took the time to exercise every day, too. I came back from that vacation 4 1/2 pounds lighter!  It was definitely enough for me to wish the vacation never ended, but on our last day we took a final walk on the beach, and it poured down rain on us for the last half mile. Blinding, unexpected rain!

Two other trips that we have planned this year is a weekend trip to Atlanta for David’s Birthday and Thanksgiving in Detroit with David’s family. I’m incredibly excited about both! I love planning out trips and can’t wait to start planning for next years vacations.

“Too much work, too much vacation, too much of any one thing is unsound.” – Walter Annenberg 

Where is your favorite vacation spot? What places did you visit this year? Do you have a funny or memorable vacation story? 

Read more about the 31 Days of Journaling Prompts
Today’s recommended 31 Day Blogger: 31 Days of Places I Want To Take My Kids @ Small Kids, Big Adventures

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Marriage

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Day 5: Marriage

Let me just start this by saying that this post in no way is meant to be used as marriage advice. There are thousands, maybe millions of books, articles, blog posts, research…anything you can imagine out there for advice on marriage. I am certainly not an authority on the Do’s and Don’ts of marriage, so if you’re looking for that, then you won’t find it here.

I can, however, speak to my thoughts and experience on marriage. I was married for nearly 10 years previous to being married to David. I don’t talk about it too often, but I don’t exactly keep it a secret, either. I can say, without a doubt, that I don’t regret being married to my first husband, and I don’t regret our divorce, either. Like everything in life, I learned so much in my first marriage that living with regret would make those entire 12 years we were together feel like they never happened. All of the experiences that I had made me who I am today, as well as making me the wife I am to David now.

One piece of advice often given for marriage is to make sure that you communicate. It really seems like an obvious piece of advice but so often it doesn’t happen. There are so many factors involved in keeping communication open that we neglect the importance. You know, things like, ‘If I ask him to take out the trash, he’ll think I’m nagging him.’ ‘If I tell her that I don’t want to go, she’ll be upset with me.’ Seriously, I could list dozens of these.

Why do we hold back those thoughts? I know for me that there are times that I have learned to pick my battles. Sometimes it’s just not worth the energy to take the chance of causing discourse. Does that mean that I lack communication skills with my husband? No, but I do need to  be sure to express to him the ones that ARE the most important to me, otherwise it could lead to me resenting him for not caring about my feelings when he didn’t even know how important it is to me.

I recently learned that a couple we know will call a “Time Out” if they get into a heated argument and they are getting nowhere with it. They pause the argument, set a time, perhaps an hour or later in the day to reconnect and start communicating again. The time away from whatever has caused the argument cools them both down and makes them not only re-think their thoughts but also the importance of their side. I love this idea!

David and I often take our arguments to email for similar reasons. Instead of waiting for the other person to stop speaking so that we can speak our side, by taking it to email we read the other’s thoughts, process the information, then we speak our side. This might not work for everyone, but as I wrote previously, this works for us because much of our relationship has been via IM, email or text. We’re one of those couples who rarely speak on the phone unless something is wrong or we can’t text/email. Weird, huh?

So take my advice…HA! No, really! Like I said, my intention is not to give advice but instead speak from my own experiences. What works for us might not work for you, but then again maybe this will make you think about your own marriage or relationship and how you can make it work well for you.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche 

What’s something unique about your marriage or relationship? Do you have some unconventional advice that you would like to share? What works for you?

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Today’s recommended 31 Day Blogger: 31 Days To a Happy Marriage @ Kristen Living the Sweet Life

31 Days of Journaling Prompts: Motivation

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Day 4: Motivation

Sometimes I feel like the least motivated person in the world. It’s easy to get into that rut, though, especially when what you want seems so far out of reach. My husband often reminds me that I am much more motivated than I give myself credit. He’s good like that. He’s what keeps me going some days.

Since my surgery, I have definitely been more motivated to eat healthier and kick my butt to exercise, but MAN there are days that I just don’t want to do it! When this happens, my inner two-year old is having a major meltdown temper tantrum. Luckily on the outside I am mostly under control and people don’t notice that I’m slightly crazy in the head. It’s so much easier to just not track my food and skip the exercise, but then I remind myself that behavior like that is what got me to where I needed the surgery. By the way, weight loss surgery is NOT always the answer and it is definitely not the easy way out. I still have to work at it to lose the weight, and it’s not just magically falling off over night.

I have been overweight all of my life or at least as far as my memory goes. I don’t know what it’s like being a normal-sized person. You would think that is reason enough to motivate me, but it’s also what scares me. What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t make it to that point? What if I do make it then slowly get back into old habits? When thoughts like this pop into my head, it just makes me want to take the easy way out and give up. I don’t want to work so hard for nothing.

But it IS something, and I HAVE to keep going! Lately what motivates me the most is that I have stopped concentrating on how far I have to go and started looking at how far I’ve come. I am one-fourth of the way to reaching my weight loss goal. When I look at it that way, I realize that it’s something in which to be proud. I am going to keep going!

“You have a masterpiece inside you, too, you know. One unlike any that has ever been created, or ever will be. And remember: If you go to your grave without painting your masterpiece, it will not get painted. No one else can paint it. Only you.” — Gordon MacKenzie

What motivates you? Does it take a little or a lot to get you going? 

Read more about the 31 Days of Journaling Prompts

Today’s recommended 31 Day Blogger: 31 Days To Write Your Story @ Lisa-Jo Baker