In the Quiet of the House

In the quiet of the house, the only sounds I hear are the clocks ticking. One clock is in the living room, the other in the kitchen. They tick almost opposite of each other but not quite. I never notice them except when the house is silent, but they still continue their conversation night after night and day after day.

In the quiet of the house, I can’t help but still have it on my mind. It’s been several days, but I still feel restless. I still feel like something is wrong or missing. Ignoring it and moving on doesn’t work for me, but I fear removing the patchwork that was silently put there. I anxiously wait for it to happen again and fear that each time will be worse than the time before.

In the quiet of the house, I contemplate the demons and how easily they slither into my thoughts when I’m not paying attention. They take over and tell me that I’m a failure, that I will never get better and will forever be imprisoned by my weight. When they visit, they bring me down with them, and I believe them. I believe their lies, therefore I act accordingly. Sleeping and snacking becomes the norm and the only activities I enjoy. I’ve been here many, many times.

In the quiet of the house, I look forward to the future despite my woes and worries. I know that it does get better, and that life needs the bad times so that the good times are much more appreciated. I go through life’s ups and downs and keep pressing on. Just for today.

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Just For Today

A popular phrase with 12-step programs is “Just For Today,” yet it is so worthy of everyday life outside of those programs, too. I’ve made this something that I think about often throughout the day when things aren’t going right or I feel overwhelmed.

How often do we spend in thought of the future or the past, whether good or bad?
Do we think about what we could have done different and wish we could change things?
Are we obsessed with planning what’s going to happen tomorrow or next week or next year?

What’s wrong with concentrating on what’s going on today?

That’s what I‘m saying to myself every morning and any time throughout the day when I need it. It seems so simple, yet I have the hardest time keeping it simple.

I challenge anyone reading this to take the rest of the day and not worry about what you didn’t do yesterday or what is coming up tomorrow. Just For Today.